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So I've been writing alot again and figured I'd share what I've been writing so here is everything from the last month.
Pain
If every feeling that you ever felt was associated with pain,
how would that life be different. For me most feelings are associated with
pain. Joy is pain bc every time I am joyful pain seems to follow, so I would
rather not have joy to avoid the pain. Anger is pain, because every time I get
mad I cause either myself or others pain, so I'd rather not be angry to avoid
the pain. Sadness causes me pain for all the obvious reasons I'm sad, so I'd
rather not have sadness to avoid the pain. Love is pain, because every time I
choose to care for someone it leads to pain bc I can not trust anyone, so I
would rather not Love to avoid the pain. So in the end every where I turn there
is pain, so I avoid all these feelings and push people away and keep to myself and
try to not feel the pain, but after all of this all there is left to feel is
pain.
-Ben Henning 9/12/06
Hurt
feelings crushed, used, abused
love given, taken, & spit back
heart lost, ripped, and torn
trust given, taken, & spit back
good intentions, cruel result, lost faith
whole being given, taken, & spit back
First real relationship
Fell to hard, to fast
Trusted without it being gained
Now all I'm left with is this pain
Never though my first love would go this way
-Ben Henning 9/12/06
Friends
When I was hurt you were there for me
When my heart was in pieces you helped pick them up
When my mind was a mess you helped make sense of it
When my life was a wreck you insured that I'd be alright
When the tears came you were there to wipe them from my cheek
When the world was on my shoulders you carried some of the weight
When I gave up you believed in me
All these things I cherish
All these things I hold true
All these things I owe to you
So
When your hurt I'll be there for you
When your heart is in pieces I'll help pick them up
When your minds a mess I'll help make sense of it
When your life is a wreck I'll insure that you'll be alright
When the tears come I'll wipe them from your cheek
When the world is on your shoulders I'll help carry some of the weight
When you give up I'll still believe in you
This is not as pay back of what you did for me
but for the simple fact that I care
the simple fact that you will always be there
even through all the new fads and trends
one thing is true we will always be friends.
Dedicated to my brother Nick
-Ben Henning 9/17/06
Deceiving yourself
If you think what you say
In essence you mean what you think
So why be afraid to speak your mind
Unless you don’t really mean it
Then basically you’re living a lie
Because you can’t say what you mean
If you don’t mean what you think
Because thinking on what you say
Wouldn’t take meaning what you think
So you’re not deceiving anyone but yourself.
-Ben Henning
9/19/06
First Love
When all is silent
The light has faded and darkness resides
The whole world has stopped for a time
Left alone thinking of life and it’s problems
All else is forced from my mind
I think of your smile
Your hair and soft lips
The way my body shook when I gave you a kiss
How you laughed how you cried
How you acted when I was there to wipe the tears from your
eyes
When I woke and you were rubbing my back
One look in your eyes could make all pain pass
Every second I was with you I felt different
When we were apart I was thinking of you
When you came to my work my night got better
I thought these feelings would last forever
Now my heart is numb my brain is twisted
Was there any sign and did I miss it
The words never spoken pierce me deeply
It leaves me lay here broken and weakening
What I would do for one conversation
But no matter what don’t be mistaken
I could never give you my feelings back
You were given my love once and you threw it back
But still for you I will always care
In my heart and my dreams you will always be there
Even though worse has come to worse
And push has come to shove
I will never forget my first love.
-Ben Henning
9/23/06
Just One
Just one memory
Just one look
Just one smell
Just one taste
Just one touch
Just one hug
Just one day
Just one night
Just one week
Just one month
Just one year
Any of these I would take
For you to give me one
Would mean everything in the world
If we could have one more memory together
If I could look in your eyes once more
If I could smell your hair once more
If I could have one more taste of your lips on mine
If I could have one more hug and be in your arms
Just one more day to hang with you
Just one more night to sleep with you
Just one more week to be with you
Just one more month to drive around with you
Just one more year to care for you
I would give up everything just for one
My life I would put on hold at the ring of the phone
My friends I would forget for you with no regret
To be back with you would be my last request
All the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes,
I would give up for Just One second with you.
-Ben Henning
9/27/06
Finding Strength
I can’t believe things went this way
All was good, my life smooth, until that day
When thinking back I’m hard pressed
Just to remember what made me say
The things that made what we had decay
I can’t see how something so great didn’t last
Now I struggle with the pain of putting it in the past
I decide to give up and give in
But in all reality I do this to fast
My friends are there for me so nothing else matters
I will strengthen myself and move onwards
My life is not done it is far from over
In the end this will strengthen my heart
And I’ll have my attention paid on the next girl closer
-Ben Henning
9/27/06
Scar Tissue
A non stop bleeding heart for weeks
has now turned into a slow drip
this feeling no longer makes me sick
Soon this drip will only be a drop
and then the bleeding will all together stop
but I will always have this memory
I'll always feel for you
I'll be reminded by the left over scar tissue
you see when a hearts broken
It never really heals
It just covers itself for prolonged life
but it never forgets the pain and strife
These wounds only make it stronger
till one day this heart can love no longer
It tenses up and is caulis and hard
It could only take so much the world pushed to hard
one to many wounds took it this far
I begin to think this is my real issue
I can't trust this world because I have built up to much scar tissue.
-Ben Henning 10/2/06
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